Do Not Mess With Funky Gems
by Shyro Foxfeather
Summary: [Magic Kaitou] Emeralds are not a guy's best friend when it's the middle of the night.
1. The Beginning

Do Not Mess With Funky Gems

Chapter 1: The Beginning

By Shyro Foxfeather

_I suppose it all started a while ago, my story, that is. _

_Excuse my impoliteness I am Kaito Kuroba. If you, on your routine schedule, chanced to once glance at the paper, I assume you would probably have seen me at least once. Although not by the name I formerly introduced myself as. Front page, dead center, would be me, the Kaitou Kid._

_This night changed a lot of things, I suppose..._

Positioned on the crown of the local hotel, a bustling and merry place to be about now (the interior of the hotel that is), sat a young teenage boy with pallid skin and dark-chocolate colored (but extremely unkempt) hair. His face was split into a tricksters grin not unlike that of a Cheshire cat's.

He drew from his dark coat a bulky pair of sturdily made binoculars that seemed too large to have come from such a small jacket. Leaning forward, he pressed the object to his eyes and the grin threatened to split his face in two.

"Oh ho ho… Let's see… Ah! There's Nakamori-keibu! Good, good…" He muttered.

Now for the show to begin… 

After his hasty once over he placed the binoculars back from whence they came and he stood for a moment.

And without warning he leapt from the building.

However, instead of the messy haired high school student, there descended a young man dressed almost entirely in white bearing a cape, a top hat, and the signature monocle of one Kaitou 1412.

Kaitou Kid

He pressed a pin that lay veiled inside his stark white left glove and his cape flared out into a tightly strung triangular shape held together from mysteriously appearing bars and string.

The cape, now hang-glider, caught the Kaitou's form as he fell and elegantly soared him in the direction of Fukuoka's substantially guarded museum.

Kid landed regally on the neighboring roof of his current target. The police seemed to bear a resemblance to ants, or bees, swarming over a delectable treat.

Grinning widely he waited…

An onslaught of flaming, yet harmless, explosives detonated themselves from the opposing corner of the museum.

The police began to panic, rushing around like startled rabbits. They called each other via walkie-talkie to validate where-abouts and pursue the Kid's location.

Grinning he leapt the resident gap and landed upon the slick black Museum roof. It was apparent that no one was expected to climb onto such a place since the roof was dangerously slanted and there was not a door in sight.

However, the Kaitou already knew this.

He dashed across the roof. That feat alone enough to boast of excellent talent and skill. And just as a helicopter's beam was about to discover him with it's radiance, the thief dived over the remaining roof and onto a lower balcony where he disappeared amongst the shadows.

Because, of course, the show doesn't start until the performer arrives.

In an instant a tiny pick materialized in his right hand and he swiftly unlatched the glass with phenomenal ease.

Creeping through the window he mentally recorded where he was on his psychological map of the museum and grinned.

"Now… Now the fun starts." He said in a voice that was all his and yet completely foreign. It was, what one could call, the intonation of one who'd ceased to exist long ago.

He crept out the exit and strode down the corridor. "Wow…" He murmured. "I'm almost amazed at their blatant lack of security in this place."

Without prior notice the lights flickered out and the Kid was left in absolute darkness.

"Oh yeah. It's a trick. There's _always _a trick." He sighed.

"STOP RIGHT THERE KID!!" Bellowed Officer Nakamori from the end of the hallway.

"Ah. Officer! Glad to see your doing well. What are you up to these days? Chinese Checkers?" Nakamori bristled at the utter lack of concern the Kaitou Kid exhibited by being backed into a corner. "Ah! It must be knitting right? Don't worry, I won't tell a soul!"

With this the Kid hurled a flash bomb to the flooring and in an instant had vanished. Nakamori cursed—which he does A LOT—and gave chase, his men at his heels awaiting orders.

Kid darted down the hall, dodging police and avoiding being dog piled upon. Finally he reached the room that with held his target and burst through the door in a gathering of confetti, streamers, and fireworks.

Pandemonium ensued as he crossed the room in a blink of an eye. Securing the gem—a lovely emerald with a violent legend—he proceeded with his favorite part of the heist.

The mocking, of course.

"And here I thought all those police were for protecting the gem, ne? Guess I was wrong." He chided.

"Not quite Kaitou Kid!" Cried Nakamori.

Kid ducked and dodged before the two police that had lunged themselves at him from behind could hit their mark. He spun around and drove himself from the floor by his hands, which propelled him until his feet brushed the ceiling. A few untraceable hooks latched and held him upside down and above the raging officers' heads. A few obscured wires and pikes ran through his cape to keep it from dipping within police capture range and give the appearance that the Kid was right side up and the others were upside down.

"Naughty, naughty. Trying to ruin the show, ne Nakamori?" Kid jeered while he tsk'ed in a maternal manner.

"Get down here you asinine thief! I'll teach you to respect authority!!" Nakamori snarled irately.

The Kaitou blinked and shook his head 'no'. "I have no time for something as silly as that, however, thank you for the offer."

Nakamori cursed as the Kid plummeted from the ceiling and, after gracefully touching ground, dashed towards the nearby window. The Officer gave one final chase at his current chance to capture the Kid.

Just as the thief bounded out the window and set off his hang-glider, Nakamori's fingers seized onto the white and silky fabric.

As the glider jerked in surprise and small snap whipped the material from the man's fingers.

Before the Officer could bite back an oncoming curse he stared on in horror, as did the other men in the room, as the glider spun erratically and was ensnared into the corner of a lower building. The thief was suddenly thrown forward violently and out of view of the shocked onlookers.

And Nakamori couldn't even curse.

The fallen Kaitou sputtered as he yanked himself free of the murky waters that inhabited a great deal of the area that was a measly block away from where he had taken off. He was grateful it was too shadowy to see the slithery creatures that thrived in the river. Swiftly from his jacket he pulled forth the focus of the heist.

A beautiful emerald that was darkened by his looming shadow.

"Are you it, my little sparkly? Are you everything I—No—we've worked so hard for?" He sighed with longing at what he _could_ be holding in his grasp. Shifting his exhausted weight over he lay on the grass and held the gem at arm's length at a position that allowed him to see the bright full moon through it.

The gem glimmered to life.

The emerald grew brighter until it scorched his hands with the blinding lime radiance. His upper body was bathed in forest green luminosity as his body was petrified in place. The white clad teen cried out in surprise and pain when the jewel's light burned his eyes even as they were snapped shut.

His body seemed to pulse and writhe, and burn with the very touch of cloth, grass, stone, and air.

The jewel's light retreated back into itself and the hand that had held it up released it when it fell limp upon the rocky gravel freckled with grass.

The Kaitou Kid's lay lifelessly on the ground.

A certain man who had been searching for the thief, and had been alerted to the spot by the glow of the unnatural, ran up just as the faint glimmer in the emerald died down to a mere blackened green stone once more.

And that was how he found him.

TBC…

Disclaimer: Chaos, Logic, and myself lay no claim upon Detective Conan and are thus sadly disappointed in our Evil Genius tactics.

This story was started quite a while ago and it took me a great deal of time get out this first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it.

Logic would like it known that he's responsible for all big words and Chaos is responsible for the dynamic action scenes. And the Chaos.

I just type the stuff.

And the Moral is… Never ever mess with funky gems.


	2. The Middle

Do Not Mess With Funky Gems

Chapter 2

By Shyro Foxfeather

The daylight streamed into the room immersing the scruffy figure under crisp ashen sheets with a surreal glow. The sun had barely just risen, signaling that it was still too early in the day for any human to voluntarily awake at. However, this particular human's internal clock was off kilter just a bit and the young teenager woke with a start.

Kaito anxiously looked about the room in a way that resembled a frightened rabbit afraid a fox would jump from the shadows and devour him whole.

"Young Master calm down." Jii chuckled as he marched into the room. "There is nothing to be scared about. Well, not anymore."

Kaito blinked and sweat dropped as he perceived he was somehow wearing his pajamas that had red and black squirrels with chainsaws on them.

_It is a shame he is not this active with his homework._

"What do you mean by that? I get As don't I? And besides…" Kaito frowned. "…How'd you get us all the way home from Fukuoka so fast? And how'd you find me? Gah… My head hurts…" Kaito whined pathetically.

"It would." Jii replied opening Kaito's dresser and began tossing him a fresh school uniform and wondering if he'd been thinking aloud again. "You took such a nasty tumble, I thought you'd gone and gotten yourself killed."

Kaito seized his clothes as they were hurled and said. "You still haven't explained how we got back here."

"Oh right." Jii sighed.

_He is more impatient than his father was. Perhaps it is caused by that mop girl._

Kaito had opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'Hey!' when Jii continued.

"I found you unconscious next to the lake, scared me out of my wits too, and checked to see if you were all right. You have a nasty bump and you were a little scratched up but that was all. I took you back to the hotel using the underground lines we discussed before the heist and changed you into your civilian clothing."

Kaito gave a semi-disgruntled snort.

"I checked out and then put you into the rental car. And drove home of course. Not very exciting is it?"

Kaito shrugged. "Nah. But you must've had your nerves on edge the whole time thinkin' I was dyin' and all that." He jabbed.

_True; however I would rather not boost your ego even further._

"No I was quite all right. Poker face and all that, you know." Jii commented idly as he studied the room a moment. "You didn't finish your homework, did you?"

Kaito was distracted once again from blurting something along the lines of 'Hey!' as a perturbed expression crossed his face. "No. You know I had no time for that." Kaito grumped. His frown deepened. "And for some reason Hakuba kept following me around all the god damn time. I wasted a lot of valuable spy time 'cause I had to shake Hakubaka off my trail."

"That nice young British boy needs to quit being so nosey." Jii murmured. Kaito could only nod and agree as he buttoned the collar on his school coat. Hakuba had almost jeopardized them time and time again and sometimes without even trying. It was all one could do to not simply scream or perhaps lock him in the trunk of some random car for the entirety of a heist. That was the problem with being on the not-so-legal side of the law.

Always almost getting caught.

Still, it was one hell of an exhilarating experience. Hakuba'd probably enjoy it too of it weren't for the stick shoved up his… someplace uncomfortable.

Not that he'd ever be able to convince the blonde to ever do any of that. Hakuba was just stubborn that way.

"You should probably be heading off now. You will be late if you do not." Jii pointed out, literally, as his finger was directed at the digital clock that dually informed Kaito he was going to be late.

Kaito was off with backpack in hand and out the door before Jii could say another word.

Luckily, Kaito had set his clock half an hour fast foreseeing such an event in the near future.

_Young Master is so forgetful sometimes…_

At School…

Kaito huffed wearily as he waiting impatiently on the bench at school. He'd been early. Early enough that barely any students were around and mulling about, though the few that were there were exhausted and wiped out like Kaito was.

Kaito had run so fast his heart was pounding in his ears. Not that anyone could tell from the lanky, laid-back exterior he produced.

_That's strange. What's that idiot doing here so early?_

Kaito turned toward the school gate and threw a hearty glare at the blonde detective.

_…At least he's a cute idiot…Bad thoughts, bad thoughts._

And immediately stopped. His face had turned an interesting shade of white followed by a light magenta.

'Does Hakuba realize he said that out loud?' Kaito wondered to himself as he warily watched Hakuba walk jauntily over to where he sat.

Hakuba studied Kaito closely a minute as he stood in front of the smaller boy before tackling him and trying wildly to claw his shirt off. Kaito went into a full body shock before quickly slipping out of the boys grasp.

"What are you DOING?" Kaito yelped as he twitched a bit.

"I was merely trying to find evidence as to your being the Kid." Hakuba shot back curtly as he dusted himself off. "The Kid crashed last night so he must have some damage."

"…"

"It sounded like it would work when I thought of it." Hakuba shrugged.

"Tsk, tsk. Hakuba-kun you should know better than to maul your lover in public. At least find a closet or something." Chided Akako as she sauntered over like a cat hunting down a mouse.

Kaito was somewhat amused and disturbed to see the faint blush on the normally stoic boy's face.

What was Hakuba, a kinky Kid fan?

For a moment that thought was scarier than any type of aquatic creature could ever be.

Luckily, Aoko walked up about this time and distracted Kaito from the creepy leering Hakuba.

_That's strange. Kaito's normally not this early…_

"Why does _everyone _think it's strange that I got here early for once? Is it so hard to believe or something?" Kaito said icily, slightly peeved at their blatant misplaced beliefs. Not that he wasn't perpetually late everyday.

Aoko and Hakuba looked oddly startled. Akako grinned mischievously and slung her arm around Kaito's.

"Now, now, Kuroba-kun. No one said _anything _about you being early. Are you beginning to hear voices?" She purred.

Kaito unhooked his arm from hers and looked somewhat puzzled. "Hakuba. Aoko. You both said I was early today, didn't you?" His voice came out a little higher than normal.

Aoko shook her head and Hakuba answered with a 'no' and a questioning look.

Three 'voices' soon followed.

_I think lack of sleep is getting to him. Better threaten him later so he'll quit acting weird._

Kaito blinked a bit and silently thanked Aoko for her concern.

_Kuroba is acting oddly today. However, that confused expression on his face is quite fetching._

Kaito made a mental note to look up the word 'fetching' online later as he turned a very pale yet magenta color, again. Although, he could probably figure it out already from context.

_I almost feel sorry for you, Kuroba-kun.. However, if you didn't ignore me when I tried to warn you about this last week, I would help you out._

Kaito debated whether to glare or send a pleading look Akako's way. He decided neither and kept his ashen-faced exterior.

When he startledly realized that none of them had moved their mouths while he had heard their voices.

Kaito did the only thing that came to mind when in such a predicament.

He ran screaming bloody murder through out the schoolyard leaving a dismayed Hakuba, a worried Aoko, and a smirking Akako behind.

TBC…

Disclaimer: Chaos, Logic, and myself lay no claim upon Detective Conan and are thus sadly disappointed in our Evil Genius tactics.

This chapter was nearly finished when I posted chapter one so that's why it didn't take long to post it. The next chapter should be up soon.

At least _now _you know what's going on, ne?


	3. The End

Do Not Mess With Funky Gems 

Chapter 3

By Shyro Foxfeather

Kaito twitched nervously in his seat. A single very _hard to miss_ fact had gone and thwacked him upside the head this morning.

_He could hear what people were thinking!_

At first he imagined it to be a practical joke everyone got together to construct. Then he realized it wasn't and turned Hakuba's hair burgundy in the process.

Now he sat twitching erratically in his seat at each thought that evaded the privacy of his mind without his consent.

He never _knew _Keiko was such a depraved soul!

He occasionally fired death glares in Akako's direction every time she felt like taunting him silently. The worst part was he couldn't even reply to her jabs at his self-confidence and ignorance.

It was irritating to say the least. He always could read what people thought by their actions. It was, after all, his expertise to figure out what people would do next. You'd think this ability would make him ecstatic.

Oh on the contrary. He was a thief but this felt like he was totally invading others privacy. It was making him squirm in guilt.

Which Hakuba watched with eagle-like eyes.

_Why is Kuroba so twitchy? Honestly, you would think he had fleas or something. Perhaps he is bothered by what I did this morning…_

Kaito saw out of the corner of his eye that Hakuba's expression melted down into a guilty one and Kaito shivered. It wasn't that he didn't _like _Hakuba, but the thought that this was what the solemn yet confident boy thought of him the whole time made him twitch as well.

After School…

"So Kaito, are you still going to the ice cream parlor with us?" Aoko asked. Kaito had been acting strange all day and she was vaguely concerned. She was also worried that he'd chicken out of the occasion the kids had scheduled as a way to celebrate the end of mid-term exams.

"Of course." Kaito blinked, however, Aoko's thoughts told him exactly _why _she was asking him such a question so he kept silent.

Akako draped her arms around his waist and Kaito jumped, as if he'd been electrocuted, out of her grasp.

"Don't _do _that!" He shrieked in surprise. The annoying thing about Akako _somehow _knowing his ability was that she could sneak up on him by remaining thoughtless, or so Kaito assumed.

The whole event had caused Hakuba to glare in jealousy and Aoko to frown then snicker in amusement.

Ice Cream Parlor…

The four students of education sat in one of the booths easily enough. Luckily Kaito sat on the outside next to Aoko. Whilst Hakuba was boxed in by Akako on the other side.

"What flavors do you guys want?" Kaito asked as he'd already been voted as the one to pay this particular visit. Kaito didn't mind… Too much.

Aoko, Akako, and Hakuba voiced their orders and Kaito nodded then trotted off to the service counter. He ordered the ice cream and was alarmed to see a certain customer sitting in a booth across the shop with a lady friend who he knew all too well.

The girl excused herself and walked in the general direction of the womens' bathroom. Kaito felt it would go against all the famous phantom thieves' wishes not to use this opportunity to its full advantage.

"Hey Chibi-chan!" He greeted loudly as he bounced up to the miniature detective. 'Chibi-chan' yelped and the vanilla ice cream cone he was licking had a brief encounter with his nose.

Shinichi Kudo, dubbed Conan Edogawa, labeled Chibi-chan, _glared _at the magician before grabbing a napkin and wiping the cold white confectionary off his face. Because, to put it plainly, a glare from an eight-year-old boy with ice cream smeared all over his face just didn't cut it.

"What are you doing here?" Conan hissed in a small bout of anger.

Kaito looked around a moment before looking back to the boy. "Apparently I seem to be in the dire need of ice cream seeing as it's the only substance that can defeat the diabolical space ramen."

Conan glared at the obvious sarcasm. Although, his question had been rather stupid considering where they were.

_Why me? I get shrunk and then made fun of for it by so many people I've lost count. And now you throw this maniac into the mix just to give me a headache._

"Err…" Kaito began. "If it helps, I never made fun of you for your height. Just for everything else."

He paused.

"Except for, of course, calling you 'Chibi-chan'."

Conan looked startled and then resumed his icy expression.

_Was I talking out loud again? I seriously need to stop doing that. It'll get me into trouble someday._

Conan thought this to himself. He made sure of that.

"Yeah it can. But, I don't think you have that problem." Kaito smirked. The woman from the counter called him to alert him that their ice cream was ready. Kaito blinked. "Bai bai, Chibi-chan!" Kaito waved as he walked away.

Ran walked back to the table and immediately dawned a concerned expression. "Shinichi? Shinichi, why are you banging your head on the table? Shinichi?"

Later…

After ice cream, which was an interesting story all in itself, Kaito trudged home. He was exhausted from the late night's heist and the following school day as well.

Jii was the first to welcome him home.

"Welcome home Master Kaito."

"…You really need to _stop _calling me that, ya know."

_Heh heh. I know. But it is a habit and it's the only way I can annoy you without being rude towards you._

"It's rude so stop it, please." Kaito muttered.

"Why Master Kaito, if I didn't know any better I'd say you read my mind!" Jii chuckled nervously.

Kaito turned to him a smirk filled with grim amusement plastered on his face. "I can reeeeaaaad your mind!" He cried with a voice one would expect to come from the mouth of a terrible movie villain. Like Dracula.

Jii blinked before he walked away laughing quietly.

Kaito looked dejectedly at the receding figure. "I wasn't kidding." He pouted with a small voice before walking off to his room to put away his stuff.

Later...

Kaito was lying on his bed with a pillow stuffed over his head as he attempted to prevent thought waves ftom dominating his mind. He also had a headache. When Jii walked in it was approximately 8 o'clock.

"Young Master, you should really get to returning that gem from last night's events soon or Nakamori will think you are not going to give it back." Jii commented.

Kaito grunted in acknowledgement, which was muffled by the pillow.

Jii laughed, again, and left the room.

As soon as Jii left Kaito leapt off his bed and dove into his sock drawer where the jewel was hidden. He slipped on a white glove before picking it out of it's hiding place.

"You! It's been _you _hasn't it! You're the one giving me this stupid ability and perpetual migraines!" He scolded.

Now that he thought about it, the people from the legend did kill each other and themselves from some indirect invasion. So that's what those bastards meant!

Stupid rock!

Nighttime At The Nakamori Household…

Ginzo Nakamori, a man of a large inappropriate vocabulary, was brushing his teeth. He'd been mulling over the heist for the last couple days and was worried the Kid had gotten injured.

A small 'tap tap tap' interrupted his thoughts. He walked over to the window to see what had disturbed his treasured mouth cleansing ritual.

A little white bag hung there by some wire. Pinned on it was a note with a grinning top hat bearing caricature.

Eye's wide and face turning an angry reddish color, he opened the window and garbed the bag from the wire, which snapped all to eagerly. He grumbled a little and thanked the heavens the thief was at least still alive, so that _he_ could kill him when he got his hands on him.

He unfolded the note and read it with a confused expression on his face. The note was not racked from top to bottom with riddles. It just said, in the same wild scrawl the Kaitou always used:

'I detest this rock.

Do not place such vile things on those nice shiny displays.

Thank you.

Sincerely, The Kaitou Kid.'

Ginzo blinked. Well that was new.

The Following Day…

Kaito had a theory.

A beautiful theory.

A lovely theory.

A sparkly theory.

Covered with pretty hearts and flowers.

And so far it proved to be true.

Since he had returned that icky stone he hadn't heard a single thought that didn't belong to him. And he could once again think straight.

Life was _cheery_ again!

These were his thoughts as he blissfully walked on his way to a place that deserved no such elation.

School.

His cheerfulness lasted until one solitary entity cast a murky downpour upon his delightful parade.

In Hakuba's ever so clear voice, rang out:

_I bet he would look appealing in some nice chaps._

And people wondered why Kuroba always tore through hallways and sidewalks screaming like a loon.

Owari

Disclaimer: Chaos, Logic, and myself lay no claim upon Detective Conan and are thus sadly disappointed in our Evil Genius tactics.

Yay! I finished a multi-chapter fan fiction!

Sure I could have made it longer and more thorough, but then I never would have finished it then.

Just call this, three installments of a one-shot or whatever. I was worried I wouldn't finish it. I may write a sequel but for now I leave it as is. The 'Psychic Kaito' Universe belongs to me but I will gladly grant anyone who asks permission to use it. That is, given if someone hasn't _already _used it before. -o

Anywho, Kaito doesn't like the mind reading thing because it's like everyone around him is talking all at once. And saying things that aren't meant to be heard. So he feels like some sick peeping tom. Plus it gives him a migraine.

I love chaotic endings, don't you?


End file.
